I know I’m not really one to do the whole ranting/emotional blog post, but there’s a lot in my life that just feels crazy at the moment, almost like every aspect of my life has been affected. You know the saying, when it rains, it pours? Because of all the stuff happening, I have just been feeling down and out and a bit confused about some of the things that I want.
Work has just been nuts. My manager went on 2 weeks sick leave then at the end of the two weeks he handed in his resignation. A fucking week before Easter. Not only did that leave us completely short-staffed for the Easter week, but it also totally ruined my plans to spend Easter with my family this year. Some of you may remember that I spent my Easter in Melbourne last year while mum returned to Adelaide for it… Well I was meant to go with her this year, especially because Good Friday was Brandon’s 5th birthday, but Chris resigning meant that I was stuck at work and because we were down on people I have been doing a lot of overtime too (unpaid). No word on whether I will be getting the manager’s position, but I have been told that I am under consideration and will find out in a week or two. Everyone at work has been really good though, working hard and together (with the odd exception) and especially when I was off sick for a week with food poisoning (which was NOT pleasant!).

So the topic of Easter brings me to one of my other problems… I’m really missing my family. I mean, I miss them anyway, but when you have in your mind for a couple of months that you are going to see them and spend a week in Adelaide enjoying their company, then you just get so excited. To have that taken away was just devastating to me. I’ll even admit when I woke up this morning I cried a little because I wanted to spend Easter with them. It’s a time where you should be with your family and it was taken away from me. Now I won’t see them until my birthday party in May. 5 months without seeing them. There was one member of my family that sent me an sms last night wishing me a happy Easter, but I couldn’t bring myself to reply to it. This person has hurt me deeply and I wish he knew it. We’re family. You don’t turn your back on each other, you’re meant to love and support each other. But I am at the point with this person now that I don’t want to communicate with them. Everything has been on their terms. I can’t ring them when I want to because they don’t pick up. I can’t ever expect a reply to an sms. I can’t ever expect to see them in Adelaide because they cancel on me. I am at the point where I don’t even know if I want a relationship with this person. They have caused me too much hurt and pain through their actions and I hope they realise that with each day, week and month that goes by without a phone call or without communication, they are ruining their chances with ever being able to have a proper relationship with me again. They need to wake up to themselves and realise I made an effort. I am their family. Blood is thicker than water, and their selfishness is not going to be unnoticed or forgotten by me, ever.

The last thing on my mind is a tricky one… There was someone in my life that was very special to me. I think most people can guess what I mean when I say special… But then that person broke my trust. Twice he has spoken to people about private business/conversations between the two of us. After this second time, I can’t even talk to him anymore. While he meant a lot to me, if I can’t trust him, what’s the use of having a conversation if I don’t even know if I can confide in him without worrying he’s going to go talk to someone else about it. Sure he tried apologising… But I found I just couldn’t accept it. Break my trust once, then sure I might forgive… But twice, it’s going to cost dearly. I don’t hate this person, but I just can’t respect them and trust them enough to want to be able to talk to them. It breaks my heart, but I have been hurt by enough people in my life and I have major trust issues. That’s my issue to deal with and I’m sorry for that.

But wow it feels good to get that off my chest. I’m not sure how many people actually still read my blog, but… Fuck it. I needed to get this all out.

Happy Easter all.

<3 MQ

If you, like me, are a fan of the Street Fighter character Chun-Li, then check out the site I found today! It’s got a great collection of artwork on there that I stumbled across while looking for pics to possibly use for a tattoo and some of it just left me gobsmacked at how great they were. Just click on the banner below